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Germany

Men in Germany are settling. Elder X has been through bipolar, psych wards, religious trauma, and came out the other side. He gives personal advice — not therapy — for $250/week. Elder X speaks English. Submit your message in your language. He will respond to every person. We will use translation tools to communicate.

Religious context: Roughly evenly split historic Catholic/Protestant (each ~25%), but the largest single group is now "no religion" (~40%); growing Muslim minority (~6%); Bavaria and the south remain more practicing Catholic.

Personal advice, not therapy. Email is free.

The Shape of Leaving in Germany

Germany has been quietly leaving its churches for two generations. Every year, hundreds of thousands of Germans formally deregister from the Catholic or Protestant church to stop paying the church tax (Kirchensteuer), and the numbers have accelerated since the Catholic abuse revelations and the Synodaler Weg debates of the 2010s and 2020s. For many cultural Catholics and Protestants, this deregistration is the entire deconstruction — they were not really practicing anyway, the family will not punish them, and the move is administrative more than spiritual. The pillar pages on the cultural Catholic exit and on the guilt that lingers will fit a lot of you.

There is a separate, harder exit happening in the conservative Free Evangelical and Pentecostal scene (Freikirchen), in the German Jehovah’s Witness community, and in conservative Muslim diaspora families (especially Turkish, Kurdish, and Arab backgrounds), where the cultural infrastructure does treat leaving as a real rupture. Those exits have more in common with the corresponding US exits than with the average German experience.

And there is an ongoing OTD-style exit happening in some of the smaller Orthodox Jewish communities in Berlin and Frankfurt, with the same texture as the wider OTD experience but in a German-language context with all the attendant complications.

What Leaving Looks Like in Germany

Germany's unification in 1990 created a male identity crisis that 35 years have not resolved. East German men — who had built their identity around the socialist worker ideal, where the state guaranteed employment, housing, and purpose — watched that entire framework dissolve overnight. The Treuhand privatization agency dismantled East German industry, and the men who worked those factories became a lost generation: too old to retrain, too young to retire, and too proud to admit they were drowning. The rise of the AfD in eastern states is partly a masculine crisis wearing political clothes.

Germany's relationship with its Nazi past creates a unique masculine constraint: men cannot express national pride, military honor, or warrior identity without immediate association with fascism. This prohibition, while morally necessary, leaves German men without the patriotic-masculine narratives available in other countries. The Bundeswehr is respected but not revered; military service is not a masculine rite of passage. German men must build masculine identity on productivity and competence alone — which works until the job is gone or the body breaks. The Turkish-German and Arab-German communities add another layer: men navigating between the honor-based masculinity of their parents' culture and the functional-productivity masculinity of their adopted home, fully accepted by neither.

Challenges Men Face Here

Post-war generational trauma has been processed intellectually but not emotionally
The "Funktionieren" (functioning) culture treats emotional struggles as system errors
Reunification left East German men with an identity crisis that's still unresolved
Beer culture normalizes daily drinking as harmless tradition
Protestant work ethic equates worth with output, leaving unemployed men worthless

From Germany? Tell Me What You Grew Up In.

What you were raised on. What started cracking. Where you are now. Be as specific as you can. I read every message myself and reply within a day or two.

Personal advice, not therapy. Email is free.

Efficiency Won't Fix Your Soul. I Know From Experience. — Elder X | Rage 2 Rebuild